How to Build Confidence and Self-esteem | Aubrey Marcus Podcast w/ GaryVee
– Do not fucking confuseconfidence with ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. You got your perspective. I just wanna be happy. Don’t you wanna be happy? – Gary, what’s up, my man?- Life is good, brother. – It is good, isn’t it?- Yeah. – That’s one of the fucking things that,I’ve had the opportunityto get to know younot only in the professional contextbut also just as a homie. And people always ask me,what’s he like, what’s he like?And I have to say, man,you’re fucking happy. There’s no doubt about that. – Yeah. – You are one of thebusiest and happiest people,like if you would turn the dialsof both of those things up,a lot of times thosethings don’t coincide. But for you, they do. – And I think the thingthat I’m conscious ofis off the screen, I’mreal happy, too, right?Like, I think one thingthat’s really been interestingis as awareness aroundan individual grows,a level of responsibilitycomes along with it. I’m definitely at a point right nowwhere I really am beingthoughtful of like,look, there’s a lot of eyes on me. And a lot of people who are not happyare putting their eyes onme, and I’m helping themthrough that. And I need to behyper-sensitive in my own selfof articulating thingsthat I’m unhappy about. But what’s been really interestingis I’ve been really on this kickfor six or nine months. I’m struggling to be unhappybecause I’ve come torealize it’s unbelievablehow simple my life is. If I genuinely wake up in the morningand eight to 10 peopleare actually still alive,I’m just struggling tobe upset about stuff. I don’t know what else to say. I struggle with,my perspective on life is very simple,which is it’s such a blessing. It’s so rare, you know?Last time we were here, I made a videowith you guys, and in there I talkedabout the 400 trillion to one. And that micro piece of contentwhich I’ve chopped up and used,it’s one of my most successfulpieces of content ever,happened in this buildinga couple years ago. And I’ve really, I’vealways internalized it. I finally articulatedit a couple years ago. And I continue to internalize it,which is, I am happy, becauseI’d like to understand,I’d like somebody to sell meon what to be upset about. – Well, it’s a failure of perspectivewhen you’re upset. – It’s a failure of– It really is, and ifyou can keep perspectivelike you are, in line, you are happy. – I’ll tell you what’sreally emerged, entitlement. I was parented in a really,and my circumstances put me in a placewhere I just don’t thinkanybody owes me anything,not society, not the government,not people I do nice things for. That’s a killer. – Yeah. – People struggle so much,when they do something nicefor somebody, they think thatperson owes them something. I’m desperately trying to give more valueto every person I ever cross paths withand never ask for anything in return. That is literally theframework of my life. My great hope is that I can bringmore value to people than they bring to meand I’m never in a dire situationwhere I ever have to askfor anything in return. – Well, you keep yourself inthat abundance state, right,so you’re not in need. You’re not desperate. You don’t have the expectation,oh, I’m giving thistransactionally so that I receive this. And then when thoseexpectations aren’t met,then you have the hangoverof that expectation,the sadness that comesfrom chasing that thrillof hoping to get somethingand then it failing. Instead, if you just give and have the actof giving be the gift itself,like, oh, I helped this person. – And I’m in that in a lot of ways. That’s right, and thenit’s the same reasonI’m an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is the win. And I believe we’re living througha great era right now where peopleare looking for the money and the thingsyou can buy with the moneyfrom entrepreneurship. And that is why I believe thatin the next decade there willbe an enormous conversationof people being unhappy entrepreneursduring this generation. – Yeah. – Because it is so in the airin your Instagram stream successand the perception of success. And I really startedto articulate somethingthat feels really true to me, which is,how do I,you know, I can only beresponsible for myself. I hope it encouraged others. But how do I start making happinessthe true north star, not money?I don’t know what elseto say, like, not stuff. – Well, anything that youplace outside of yourselffor happiness is going tobe a dead end street, right,because that thing is somethingthat you’ll have to constantly chase. That’ll be the rabbit that keepsyou on the greyhound track,always running around. Oh, if it’s money, well,then you’re gonna needmore money when you get money. And you’re gonna needmore and more and more,and you’ll keep feeding this thingrather than recognizing thathappiness lives within usas soon as we acknowledge it. – And for everybodywho’s watching right now,do not confuse thisfor a lack of ambition. I’m ambitious as fuck. I just am really happy with the process. And I’m also superweirdly happy with losing. – ‘Cause that’s the process. – I lost to you in pool andin, what is that thing, again?- Sauce. – Sauce. – I beat you in free throws and darts. I’m sitting here, and I onlywanna play sauce and pool. And I think there’ssomething in that, right?The Rangers, New York Rangers,and the Yankees havewon world championshipsduring my fandom. The Knicks and Jets have not. I do not watch the Rangersand Yankees anymore. I’m diehard on the other two. I’m in it for the process. Like, I watched, I was at the airport. I took a, I told you offcamera, I took a red eye,which I’m trying notto do, for my own bodyand rest and all that. But I did, and I was in San Francisco. And the Warriors game was on. And I actually just don’tconsume a lot of stuffin general. But I watching this Warriors game,and I grew up in the kind oftech boom of 2005 through 11. And I’d go to San Francisco a lot. And when I tell you not one fucking humanin San Francisco knewwho the Warriors werein 2005 to 11, not one. And I’m watching this game. It’s the end of the game,and I’m watching these fans celebrate. And there was just this wild feelinggoing through my body of almost like,a really funny mix of, I don’t know. I find it crazy when peoplebecome bandwagon fansand think that they’re successfulthrough their team’s success. – Yeah, they use the word wewhen they’re talking about a pro team. – Yeah, and I do that as well. So I don’t wanna be a hypocrite. But I’m literally talking about,you don’t like the team or care about it. Then they start winning championships,and you’re going to games,and then you’re making fun of hardcoreHouston Rocket fans. And I watch this play out on socialand in culture, andI’m like, I don’t know. I just, I think a bandwagon sports fanis one of the great tellsof somebody who’s insecure. And it’s just something that has alwaysrun through my mind. Literally, when I thinkabout the Bulls fansand the Cowboy fans ofmy high school yearsin New Jersey, when they were good,just a lot of thosebandwagon fans in my schoolare not happy or successful. – Well, when you attach your identityto some other thing and then that identitymakes you good, whether or not that thingis successful or not,so if your identity isa sports fan of X teamand you only feel good about yourselfwhen X team is there, because it’s likeyou had some fucking insight,and it made you smarteror it made you betteror made you something thatyour ego can latch ontoas, like, I am superior to something else,and if you’re in it for that, well,you might get a thrillevery once in a while. But you’re gonna have alot of fucking heartbreak,rather than being init, as you were saying,being in it for just being a fan,whether you’re winning or losing. The joy of being a fan is being a fan,not the fucking win. – It’s crazy, while you were just talking,where my mind went. It went to people’s social media profilesversus their actual truth. I am petrified thateverybody is a PR versionof themselves on socialand that it’s now a thing,like a sports team. It was really interestingwhere my mind just went. I’m like, fuck, that’s what’s happening. – Well, fuck, thoselikes and those followersand that stuff, like, youreally meditate on that,I mean, the amount thatyou get out of that,the dopamine, the validation. – But people are not postingbecause they’re petrified for itnot to hit the metricof their prior posts. Like, literally, humansare not sharing stuffwith other humans, whichis like the core thingof why this all worked,because they’re worriedthat this picture of this coconut shakeis not gonna do as well as the pictureof them hiking. And so they’re literally not posting. I mean, to live a life predicated on,your success and happiness is predicatedon likes or followers in a social networkis a very vulnerable state but has alwaysbeen our vulnerable state. Do not confuse this. This is not a social media problem. This is a human problem. It’s the same reasonthat people buy Mercedesthat they can’t afford or buy homesthat they can’t afford or wear sneakersthat they can’t afford. I mean, high school never really endsfor 99% of people. – Well, that was thatinitial tribal impulse,that evolutionary biology that said,get along with the tribe. Make sure the tribe likes you. You won’t get exiled, and then the tribewill take care of you. But now there’s no actual tribethat’s hunting for food and foragingfor fucking berries. But we’ve universalized it to social mediaand the entirety of the world,so it can become this paralyzing thingthat our brains, which were usedto the Dunbar number,which was 150 people,the maximum amount of peoplethat you could actually give a shit aboutin your tribe, really, iswhat the psychologists assume,but now it’s, like, everybody. And that’s kinda fucking overwhelming. And I don’t think we’ve really adapted. And I don’t think people are really keento how much of that socialpressure actually affects us. – And the modern day parent is blamingthe network, not the waythey’re parenting their child. – Right. With extraordinary forces– And I wanna stay on this, I apologize. This is a very big thing for me. There is no social network. It’s a platform. Everything on Instagramwas done by a human. People are like, Gary, I’m so crippledby this bullshit. And I’m like, delete Instagram. I’m really, really, really passionateabout accountability. We need to, we need to, we need to put,we need to put it in the right place. We don’t need to look the other way,where there’s systematic issues. There are. But we have to putaccountability on a pedestal. Back to lack ofentitlement, accountability,much of a kissing cousinof lack of entitlement,is such a driver for me. Every time something happens bad,I’m like, that’s my fault. And that makes me happy, not sad. It makes me feel empowered. – Yeah, I think what we have to recognizeis this is an extraordinary force. The access to social mediais an extraordinary force. Doesn’t mean it’s good or bad. It’s just a force that exists. So when you have a forcethat exists like that,it’s the job of parents,it’s the job of me and you,it’s the job of everybodywho’s talking about itto just remind people, thisis a strong force, everyone. Use it for good. Use it how you want. But be mindful of it. These are the ways that itcan actually be using you. These are the ways thatit can almost drag you,like a drug addiction, right?It’s fine to have a few glasses of wine. But if it’s a bottle of wine every night,then the wine is using you. You’re not using the wine. And that’s the exact same way you can lookat social media. – I believe that is absolutely true,and I believe that we strugglewhen new things happen in our societyto fully wrap our heads around them. The internet is thebiggest impact on humans. You have to assume,you know, fire,I’m talking on a real level here,the internet, we are all super lucky. If you think about how long humanshave actually been around,the airplane seems pretty intense. There’s a ton of shitthat has happened, right,electricity, the printing press,but it’s on that level. – Bigger. – There’s a lotof people who, right?- Yeah. – There’s a lot of people who don’t live,and I’m looking at this room,everybody kind of in an age groupwhere, we’re living throughthe beginning of the platformthat arguably is one of the one to fivebiggest inventions andimpacts on humans ever. And so that’s intense. It just is. In some ways, certaingenerations had world warsand other things. Ours is this incredibleacceleration of technology. And look, this may seem mundanefor somebody who’s watchingthis in 1,000 years,’cause the robots took over. And there’s just a millionthings that could happen. But we’re in a very special time. And right now, we havegone into chapter two. Chapter one in 2005,six, seven, eight, nine,about all the maturity of theinternet was nirvana, right?It was all good. Look at all these people doing well. Super cool, super nice. The cliche thing that always happensis what’s happening right now. Now we’re demonizing it. America and humans love to build shit upand then tear it down. We loved building Zucks up. Now we’re loving demonizing him. And then we’re gonna lovefor him to come back. This is what we do. I just really, really, really want peopleto stop blaming Instagram. There is no Instagram. There’s you. You don’t like it, don’t consume it. It’s free. – Yeah, I mean, just the sameas, don’t blame the wine. – Don’t blame the wine. – If you’rethe one who uncorks it. – 100%. – You’re the one who drinks it. And I understand that there’s pressures. And I understand thatthere’s addictive tendencies. And I understand the waythat the brain works,and I understand that it’s not easy. And some people may have itrougher than other people. And all that’s understood. But fundamentally, it’s your hand. It’s your bottle. It’s your corkscrew. You can make a different choice. And if you need help makingthat different choice,fucking go get help makingthat different choice. Still, though, I agree with youwith that accountability. We have to remember thatthis isn’t about nerfingthe whole world andsaying, oh, video gamesand fucking Instagram, it’s all bad,and it’s ruining kids. No, these are extraordinary forces. So let’s acknowledge those, and let’s justteach and coach and help people out. – Sugar is an extraordinary force. – Yeah, it is. It is. – Right, I think that’s right. But I thinkright now we’re in avery convenient state,and everybody’s throwing around judgmentand blame like it’s free. And we need to, I feel a huge senseof responsibility to articulateaccountability, lack ofentitlement, and positivity,’cause I believe in it. And I understand, by the way, you know,it was funny, there’s avery interesting thinggoing on here right now, which isthere’s an extraordinary amount of peoplethat are content or happy. They just don’t communicate, right?Negativity, by nature, islouder, has always been. Your grandmother who’smiserable was louderthan your grandfather, who’s content. The problem is, now words arebeing documented at scale. This has always been the way. There’s nothing different right now. It’s just that we can’t lookat our grandmother’s tweets. Fuck, if we could. I mean, my grandmotherwas one of the most super negative peopleI’ve ever come across in my life,in my life. Just unbelievably negative. Everything was negative. Every good thing that happenedwas a conspiracy theory. And I used to be mad at her. And then I had to remindmyself as I got olderand more thoughtful, I’m like,this is a woman who livedin the Soviet Union,who went through World War Two,and who saw some shitand who lost her husbandand who had a, ’cause I knewmy great-grandmother, too,had a negative, negative mother. And you become more empatheticas you become more thoughtful. But it doesn’t take away from the factthat my grandma would’ve been spittingfucking venom on Instagram ifthat shit was around in 1957. You know?And so I think we need to getinto some real conversations. And right now the conversations are lazy. Social media’s bad. It’s Apple’s job to restrict it. And that’s cool. I’m fine with a level of platformand government involvement. I’m fine with that. But you’ll always be disappointedif you think some bigforce is gonna save you. You’ll always been disappointed. So just solve it for yourself. – That’s what we, but that’s,people make money off that idea, as well,which is one of the things that,in the health world, isreally challenging to look at,when people give some kind of diagnosisfor every little thing and givesome magical cure that’soutside of someone’s control. – Like apple fuckingvinegar or fucking celeryfucking vinegar or, I see all this shit,and I’m like, what the fuck?- Well, in anything, it’s like,this thing is out of your control. You can’t fix it. Oh, you’re having alittle trouble focusing?Don’t worry, we got you covered. You’re broken, you’re broken. All of the messaging coming acrossis you’re broken, we can fix you. You’re broken, we can fix you. – The end, the end. Somebody, the end. – Yeah. – And I’m like, you’re not broken. – You’re not broken, that’s the secret. Nobody here is broken. – Nope, we all suck shit at a ton of shit. We all are actually goodat a couple of things. Spend all your fuckingtime trying to figure outwhat you’re good at. And if, god forbid, one of those thingsis something you actually like, too,you’re off to the fucking races. And in 2019, when you can make a podcastor an Instagram account or a Shopify storearound Dragon Ball Z and make73,000 a year doing that,that’s real. What I just said is real. That’s fucking crazy,that if you pod committed,you have a job that you don’t like,paying college debt thatyou’re pissed about,but instead of cominghome and having a beerand watching Netflix andplaying fucking Fortniteto escape, I get it. You wanna escape, I get it. What I’m saying is just take a step back. Listen to me for a second. Come home and start buildingyour Dragon Ball Z eBay accountby buying shit onCraigslist and flipping it,start a podcast and goDragon Ball Z episode one,here we are, du du du. Start an Instagram accountaround Dragon Ball Z,build, build, build, build, build, build,build, build, build,if you fucking did thataround somewhere 12 years ago,loved Black Panther, somebody did. It was a rare comic book. It wasn’t the biggest of the world,but somebody loved it. But they didn’t thinkthat they could builda business around Black Panther. What they didn’t know was 10 years later,Black Panther was gonnabe made a feature filmthat was gonna completelypenetrate culture. If she or he had a podcastand Instagram accountthat really was the nichest of nicheBlack Panther fans whichmade no fucking sense10 years ago, but it had its 43,000 peoplethat fucked with Black Panther. When that move came out andhad that huge marketing budget,that motherfucker would’vegotten 50,000 bucksto market the fuck out of that movieon his Instagram, Snapchat,Facebook, Twitter,podcast, blog. And that same person right nowis still sitting in their cubiclemaking 79,000 a year, hating life. I’m fascinated by that. – It’s interesting, it’s almost likewe all have the chance to drill our wells. And we drill our wells through our effort,through our sweat, through our focus,through our intensity. But the water table may be at 300 feet. So if we don’t go deep enough,if we’re just kinda casuallyfucking with Black Pantherinstead of really goingdeep and continuing to dig– Yes. Yes. – We won’t ever hit thewater of being lucrativeor the water of success. We may pull up at 200 feet. We may pull up at 250 feetand not get any water. – And, so there’s no confusion,somebody’s gonna go 400 feet. The great thing is that we can all do it. The bad thing is we can all do it. So now you’re competing with the world. There’s a lot of peoplethat started wine videosin 2008 after mine popped. Every liquor store in America startedtheir wine show. They just weren’t good enough. Right?There’s a lot of peopletrying to do Gary V videoson Instagram every day, awhole, whole, whole lot. A lot more of thosethan wine shows in 2008. But they’re not good enough,’cause it’s not true. The only way to really win is to be true. – You gotta be it, man. You gotta fucking be it. You know, I had an interestingthing happen last night. So yesterday I was out shooting hoopsso I could hopefully beatyou today, which failed. I lost. – By the way, when we play the tape,I genuinely think afteryou drilled that first one,the subtle way I passedit back to make you move– Yeah, yeah,you fucking threw me– And then we talked about it. – And then I laughed. – I really believe in that shit. – It worked. – I believe the majorityof victories that I’ve hadin physical sports things have beencompletely mental victories,non-physical ones. – Well, all right, so Gary throws the ballwith the wrong spin, so Ihave to go reach for it. But I deftly actually soccerkick it back to myself. And actually what fucked with me, too,was, all right, I seeGary playing that trick. I know what it’s supposed to do. But look at how smooth that waswith that soccer kick. So I’m starting pattingmyself on the back. And I’m all in my head. – Because the brain isthe operating system. And what happened was, Istopped the ebb and flowof what was naturally gonna happen. And then you are so in the brain, too,that you almostover-corrected, and away we go. And I pull off a stunning victory. – Well, in my efforts to tryand prevent that from happening,I’m out there shootinghoops in my backyard. And I’ve lived at this housefor almost seven years. And in the front of the house,there’s a drainage ditch. And the drainage ditchhas some embankments. And it has some places where the drainkinda has a tunnel. And I just would think, all right,this is a drainage ditchin front of my house. I never thought another thing about it. Well, yesterday there’sa kid on a BMX bike. And I’m out there shooting hoops,and he is just rippingthrough my drainage ditch,jumping over the things,hitting the embankment,riding it like a vertramp, and then going backand peeling out. And I was like, whoa, I never sawthe front of my yard as aBMX fucking terrain park. But he did, because that’s what he does. He was clearly, he is that dude. He was the dude who couldsee that as a terrain park. And whoever you are, right now,wherever you are, you’re the dudethat sees something thatsomeone else doesn’t see,that the owner of thefucking house never saw once. I had no idea. I was like, that’s just the annoying partthat if I fall off thedriveway, I’ll get stuck. But I didn’t see it as a BMX terrain park. But we all have that ability. We all have something there. – I’m such a fan of what you just said. Honestly, usually when I go on podcastsand things of that nature,I’m trying to answer the questions,I’m thinking, I’vealready done it once here,I’m listening, so I’mthinking of new things to say. That really stopped me dead in my tracks. And I’m gonna tell you why. I’m obsessed with perspective. I genuinely believe you findwhat you’re looking for. If you’re looking for bad right now,it’s a piece of cake. If you’re looking for good right now,it’s a piece of cake. I’m just asking you, whatthe fuck are you looking for?Please, just a very simple question. And by the way, I hate,in a lot of ways, I hate the way I talkbecause it’s super simple. And I’m sitting right now,thinking about the kidwho’s listening to this. And she or he is in her room right now,ear pods in, listening to this. And they’re miserable becausetheir dad’s an alcoholicor their mom’s this,or real shit, you know?Tough stuff. And they’re like, ugh,it’s so, like, fuck you. It’s not that simple. Yet it is. One thing I don’t do wellis talk about my problems,which manifests in many ways. It manifests in being taken for grantedin my real life and in my collective life,my outward life. I got fucking problems. I’ve got lots of problems, real ones. I grew up with lots of the stuff,lots and lots and lots of stuff. I just am not capable of going into it. I don’t get going. I can’t get there, andso one of the thingsthat I try to remind kids, I’m like,take me out of the equation. Don’t even use me whenI’m saying these things. If you know one personthat has ever gottento a happy place that dealtwith your circumstance,there is a blueprint. The end. There have been people, Night Train Lane,legendary football player,was thrown in a dumpsterthe second he was born. Went on to be one of thegreat football playersof all time, dated everyactress in the game,was Red Fox’s bodyguard, iconic gentleman. Dumpster. There’s all sorts of circumstances. – And we all have our fucking dumpsters. – Everybody’s got a dumpster. – Every one. – And you know who has dumpsters?I apologize. You know who has dumpsters?Kids that have too much. You wanna talk about who I’m actuallygetting hit up by?It’s not the kid in the hoodthat saw me with Gunna, andthey think I’m cool now. And they’re like, how do I get out of the,it’s kids that are trustfund babies who are sick. Listen, and I know this,I never judge somebodythat comes from a shitty circumstance. I’m a cheerleader. I’m an underdog guy, right?I cheer that. I see, I meet you, and we’re friends,and then we’re at a dinner partyand my friend comes over, goes,you know who that is, right?That’s the grandson offucking Howard Hughes. I immediately judge that person. Nothing that person everachieves I’ll give credit to. That’s me, that’s actuallyhow I see the world. I will not fully givecredit to my own childrenbecause of that reason. I really, I’m being very transparent here. I would much rather, ina world of the internet,where the internetdoesn’t care who you are,I would much rather, in2019, come from too littlethan come from too much. Not in 1984, ’cause there was no internet,and all those relationshipsand all that moneyreally mattered. But I believe that we’re livingin a very funny time,where clout, reputation,work ethic, a lot of different thingsare starting to be put onpedestals, not just money. And earning your keep and who you areand what you’re giving to the world,and I think we’re living in avery interesting transition. – Well, I mean, whatever you have,it changes your start position. And that can be overwhelming, right?It’s all about what youdo with what you havefrom where you begin. – And by the way, it’sall perspective, right?For me, as somebodywho takes so much pridein the process, I wouldn’t have wantedto start on third and a half base. Somebody else is sitting right now,is like, I’m pretty cool with it. Pretty pumped pops made 50, you know?- Well, you just said-– And that’s fine!- You start on third and a half base,you better fucking hit it 500 feetand keep killing it, right?- Or, by the way, but here’swhere it’s really fun. Here’s where it gets super interesting. Or not. And guess what?Who the fuck are all of us? You’re on third and a half baseand you end up on secondand a half base, and what?And this is actually the punchline. I want, actually, ifsomebody’s listening right now,if you’re somebody who’s like 50, 60, 70and you started on third and a half baseand ended on second and a half basebut you’re pumped asfuck and happy for real,please email me. I’m really, I justwanna know that insight,because I actually thinkit’s the reverse of me. Excuse me, I think it’s similar to me,which is, what actually happenswhen you can calibrate judgment?I believe one of the biggest reasonsthat I’m one of theforefront faces of all thisis ’cause I can handle the judgment. You know how much hate I have?There’s a video right now of a young womandoing a motivational speech. She crushed it. It’s going a little viral on Twitter. I’m getting destroyed by the comments. They’re like, yeah, fuck that Gary V guy. I know that’s who you’refreaking making fun of. That hurts. And most people are folding their chairswhen they get judged like that. I’m not, because I knowevery one of those peoplewho said that have never met me. I can handle judgmentif you don’t know me. If Caleb and Nick Diothought I was a dick face,then I would have a real problem. – Well, then it’s a truer reflection. But even still, it’s not the truest. We, ourselves, are thetruest mirror of ourselvesif we actually are fairand we actually lookwithout the biases that we all bring. Then we’re the only ones. I mean, Bode Miller was someonewho taught me that, right?- So true. – He was like, ifsomeone pumps your tires,they don’t know you. If they congratulate you on that,like, he would get congratulatedon finishing a race andhe didn’t like the race,he couldn’t take that. He’s like, well, I didn’tfucking ski it my best. And he would ski his best sometimes, crashor not finish well, andeverybody’d be like,oh, sorry, man. He’d be like, fuck you, man. I fucking skied my best,you know what I mean?- Man, honestly, that justgot me fired up about Bode. I’m the same way, man. It’s unbelievable how I just,I do not take the accolades,and I do not take the hate. I’m just fucking in the middle. I’m in my own head. – It’s really a reflectionof who’s saying it. It’s not even a reflection of you. It’s their projection of you. – I’ll be honest, you’ll appreciate this. It doesn’t even go thatfar, bro, honestly. I’ve got ear pods in 24/7. Can’t hear shit. From my mom to a stranger,just don’t hear it. I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m in a very fucking place,a very interesting place on this. You know what it’s driven by?Empathy. I know they don’t know me. They don’t know me. They just can’t fucking begin to know me. I hate Scotty Pippin. I don’t know Scotty Pippin. So I understand it. I fucking hate Scotty Pippin. I despise Tom Brady. And I actually know a lotof people that know him,and sounds like he’s a fairly solid dude. I still fucking hate him. And so if I’m willing to do that,then everyone’s willing to do that. – And everyone gets permission to do that. – And that’s it. And so, but I think judgment is on tilt. Judgment is like fucking,I’m telling you, man,that’s all we’re doing now. People are just fucking hottaking each other 24/7, 365,casting judgment at scale. Judgment is on tilt. Judgment has momentum. Judgment is the undertone right now. And honestly, I wanna push soagainst it or calibrate it. – I feel you. – I’m just, I’ve lost so much momentumin judging somebody, you can’t imagine,over the last five years. Everybody does it. It’s a human trait. But mine doesn’t get going anymore. I’m just like, I don’t knowanything about anybody. – That’s true. It’s hard enough to know ourselves,let alone somebody else. To really have a clear view of us,who’s looking in thefucking mirror back at us,to really see that shit, I mean,that’s hard enough work,let alone somebody else,another entire human beingand all the pressures and all the urgesand all the things. – And the amount ofhypocrisy people spend,just like, oh, fuck thatguy, look what he just did. And literally, they didthat shit yesterday. I just see it every day. It’s crazy. I’m just shocked by people’s abilityto be such insane hypocrites. – Well, the ego needs toput them in a positionwhere they feel superior. The ego only judges itselfin relative position. So no matter what, ifsomeone’s uncomfortablewith their relative position,they’ll have to make a fucking adjustment. – But bro, we have tofucking redefine ego,’cause for some reason a lot of alphaslike to think ego’s decent. Let me just explain this very clearlyto everybody straight up,from one man’s point of view. Ego is insecurity with makeup on. So we need to redefine ego, becausewhen people hear ego,40% of them are like,yeah, but the fucking ego, like they thinkthere’s a lot of good with that. Do not fucking confuseconfidence with ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. It’s fucking insecurity. – Yeah, yeah, always, ’cause it’s alwaystrying to put yourself in, as I said,not absolute position,not where you absolutelyknow who you are and absolutelyknow what you’re doingand you’re not phased by other people. It’s all relative. It’s all based on some fucking delusionalWizard of Oz sorcerer gamewhere you’re trying tocreate some structureand some rule book for life itself,in which this person is below youor this person had this advantageor this person had this disadvantage. Playing up your disadvantagesis also another game. Like, oh, well, I’m in themost disenfranchised groupof the disenfranchised groupof the disenfranchised group,so basically I can’t lose. And you were in this enabled group. I mean, that’s somethingI get all the time. My dad was a successfulcommodities trader. He went insane beforeOnnit was ever successful,and I never got a dime from him. But some people will go look up my father. Oh, he was a commodities trader. Look at this fucking rich boy. Of course you created on it. – Of course. – And I’m like, and then that’s a waythat they can build themselves above me. – I built a huge businessfor my parents and get,I fucking took 22 to34, gave up my entire,this is insane to me in hindsight,gave up my entire best dude yearsto spend every minute in a liquor storeto build a business for my parents,left at 34, had no money, so much sothat VaynerMedia startedin the conference roomof Buddy Media, ’causeI had no fucking moneyto even pay rent. And all, and a small percentage of people,anytime I say anything, is like,but daddy’s liquor store. Or, and then it manifests,or he was given four million dollars. I read this shit sometimes, and I’m like,and honestly, I mean it, I’m like,fuck, man, I feel bad. For that person to want to say thatbecause it makes them feel betterthat they’re not willingto put in the workor they’re unhappy orwhatever is going on for them,that makes me feel, like, sympathy. Honestly, this is whatI’m trying to tell people. This is a good cut topic. There’s a lot of you outthere that are happy,that are successful, and one of the thingsthat’s happening isyou’re putting out stuff,and you’re being crippled alittle bit by the comments. And you get angry. And we’ve created this term trolls. I don’t look at it astrolls, I really don’t. A lot of my friends back in the daywere like, why do you feed trolls?I’m like, because I respectother people’s points of view,and I wanna learn from conversation. Everybody now is just like,trolls, trolls, trolls. And any negative thing you get,people dismiss as hate, haterade, trolls. I fucking read that shit. I read it because I never wanna becomea caricature of myself. I need to calibrate it. It definitely doesn’t bring me down. I wanna understand it. It allows me to adjust. And I have to adjust,we all have to adjust. I just think there’s a lot of thingsgoing on in the system. But I really wanna getpeople’s minds more quietbecause it is just one big game of,are you valuing other people’s opinionsor are you valuing your own process?And just the validation from othersis a no-win game. And I don’t know what happened. I mean, I know what happened. Parenting and circumstanceand environment. In hindsight, my abilityto navigate high schoolwithout peer pressure, whichis what I did, straight up. It’s been fun for my high school friendsto be hitting me up on Facebookand stuff like that nature, you know,they’re just like, yeah,you really did do that shit. I just didn’t give a fuck. I was selling baseball cards. And by sophomore year, yousaid something in the gym. You’re like, I was into Magic. – So into it. – And then you’re like,and then I gave it up. And literally where my brain was,I’m like, yeah, ’causeyou’re a good-looking dude. And you got to highschool, and you’re like,I’m not getting fuckingbitches if I play Magic. – No, Gary, let me tell youhow it actually went, happened. – Please. – I was playing. I had my little Magiccircle out in California. I used to play at thisfucking Johnny’s Pizza. And there was this one fucking kidwho would just always bebeat me and take my cards. – Dominate, yep. – Whatever, I would battle him. I would sweat, and we’dlisten to Rolling Stones. And I’d usually lose. But nonetheless, I wasfucking feverish about it. I was in it from the drop. And then when my parents were like, hey,we’re moving to Texas, Iwas like, no, we can’t. Nobody plays Magic there in Texas. It was like my circle. – How old were you?- I was like eighth grade. And I was wrecked. – This nerd Aubrey is my favorite Aubrey. – I was fucking– This is my favorite Aubrey. – I was fucking wrecked, because thenthere wasn’t internet, there wasn’t an appthat I could go, like– Right, it was over. – Find the Magic theGathering circle near you. – No, you were done. – Or some fucking Tinder forMagic the Gathering players. – Yeah, yeah. – No, there was nobody,and I got to fucking,went to high school– Dude, I went to collegeand lost every friend I had. We didn’t have phones. It was over. These kids don’t get it. It was over. – Yeah, and that was it. – And that’s when, so what happened?- So I didn’t have– So you came here, and what happened?- There’s no players, no players. – So what happened?- And then– You leaned into sports?- Slowly, yeah, leaned into basketball,leaned into girls, also did,did, for sure, come. – Yeah. – But nonetheless, I probablywould’ve stayed contiguous. – To my point, I didn’t giveup baseball cards for girls,’cause I was quiet. I was like this. And to that point, it’sreally funny, though,I gotta be honest with you. There’s something happening with mein the last three to four weekswhere I’m starting to get ambitious. Iam starting to see the fruits of my labor. I am starting to see young, alpha dudesstart to throw around wordslike gratitude and empathyand kindness. And it’s really starting toreally make me feel good. And it’s really fucking with me. It really is exciting. And I do think, you know, much like,there’s a real interesting reasonthat I gravitate towards you. You have some strong points of viewthat are not fully accepted. You, Ferris, others. And I don’t consume a lotof content, so I don’t,I’m gonna tread lightly here,because since I don’t real,it’s very top line, right?But everything’s cool in moderation,as a simplification of me, melted. I think you’re talking about thingsthat are gonna really show thatyou’re historically correct. And I think you’re gonna help people. You’re giving people permission. And as somebody who wassuper affected, also,by his mother on the Nancy Reagan kickand has never fucking donea single drug in his life,I’ve never done anything, anything. I’m inspired by it, I mean it. – Oh, thank you, brother. – I mean it, ’cause I’ve seen you do shit,again, ’cause I don’t really consume. I’m very funny in my process. But I know you’re up to somethingthat is a different thing. It’s a different category of things. One thing you’ve touched on in the pastthat has hit my radar, I think I’m talkingabout parenting and insecurity and truthsthat people are uncomfortable with. I think America’s unbelievablyuncomfortable with sexand drugs. And I know that you’re playinga little bit in that space. And I’m– That sounds really fun, but it’s a little less fun, but yeah. – It’s less fun, it is less fun. You’re doing it froma far more thoughtful,really, really thoughtful,mental place, in my opinion. – Sure, yeah, from a soulful place. And what we’re talkingabout is psychedelicsand open relationship, right?- And I think you’re creating safeness. That’s what I think you’re doing. And that’s what I’m trying to do. I think we have an entire generationof people that aretrying to be successful. And I have enormousambition to redefine it. I just really want people to be happy. And it’s so much more fun to be happy. It’s so fun to be happy. It’s super fun to be happy, bro. And I don’t mean pretending to be happy,and I don’t mean what everybody’s doing,which is spending alltheir time to appear happy. And so I’m, yeah, I’mreally in it right now. I’m in a zone. – And you know what?The key, one of the keysthat I find to happinessis when, happiness lives in the moment,in the moment you’re in. And really, happiness isacceptance of the moment you’re in. And whatever process that might be,and just recognizing that. And whenever you’re doing somethingfor some other reason and projecting,it’s harder to be happy. There’s a good exampleof this this morning. This morning, I’m taking afucking selfie in the sun. I don’t do that often, butI was like, ah, nice sun. It’s an important day. I’m gonna take a fucking selfie. – That’s cool. – And there was a butterfly that came,and I don’t get a lot ofbutterflies in my backyard. This butterfly comes wafting by me,and I was like, ooh, sweet. I can get a selfie with the butterfly. Right?And so I spent this timemoving myself around,and it was this magical momentwhere there’s this butterflyfluttering around me,the sun was just shining. I could’ve just breathedand enjoyed myself. But instead, I’m fuckingchasing this butterfly aroundwith my fucking selfie camera. And then I wake up and go,that was really stupid. – Or was it?- I don’t know. I felt like it was. I could’ve enjoyed the butterfly. – Because I’ll be honest with you. I’ll be honest with you. What you just said is somethingI’m thinking a lot about, which is,not that we’re, andyou didn’t demonize it,but society is starting to demonize,like, live in the moment. Right?There’s this photo that went viral as fucklike four years ago with the Pope. And everyone’s taking a photo. And there’s that 88-year-old lady,and she’s just looking at it. And everyone’s trying to makeit to be this great thing,and I was like, she didn’thave a fucking phone. Like, why are we making letters on a,like if I sent you a really nice,three-sentence text tomorrow,how much I enjoyed today,right, which now I’m not gonna do,’cause I said it out loud. Butwhy does putting it on a piece of paperand sending it as a note, because, what,because it made it seem like I putan extra two minutes into it?Like, we’re starting to do things where,I think it’s awesome that youchased around the butterfly. I think it’s funny. I think it’s funny and interesting. And I don’t know, I don’twanna fucking stand thereand just take in the butterfly. I think it’s fun tochase it with the camera. That was just fun from a game standpoint. Butterflies fucking move quick. That shit was hard. I don’t know, so, again,this goes to the currentthat we live in society,where right now everyone’slike, just take it in. I don’t know, I wish I had photos of meat baseball card shows. Do you know how fucking pissed I am?Let me say this right now. Do you know how sad I amthat I don’t have photosfrom 1989 to 1992 at the 87 differentbaseball card shows that I had,’cause I’d like to see them. I’d like to see them. So, cool, I’m glad thateverybody’s demonizingselfie sticks and all this shit. But I promise you in 39 yearswhile you were making fun of those people,they’re gonna be thrilled to look at it. And their kids are gonna be very thrilledto look at it. And I’m super sad, ’causeI don’t have jack shitof my childhood. My throwback Thursdaygame is wack as fuck,’cause I got nothing,’cause us Russians, wedidn’t really take photos. And so again, there is a yinand a yang to everything. And we should be the judge and jury of it. And back to your point, if it was coolfor two minutes to chaseit with the selfie, cool. And if you’re like, fuck it, I’m an idiot. Let me take this in, cool. And that’s you, and that’s it. But everybody is taking everybody else,like, I’m watching peoplesee one piece of content and be like,yeah, that’s what I’m doing now. I’m gonna sell my phone and write letters. And they do it to me inthe other way, right?They’re like, Gary’s right,and I’m gonna do this. No, I’m putting out my perspective. Filter that through you, take the goodthat works for you from that, leavethe shit that you don’t like. Most people aren’t as competitive as I am. What’s that fuckinghockey thing called again?- Sauce. – Dude, I’m still kind of in it. I wanna go back and play sauce again. Not everybody’s that,that’s why I love this. I love competing. And business, for me, is competing. And I wasn’t built enoughto be in the league. And by the way, all those yearswhere I was sad that I wasn’t an athlete,now I’m the happiestthat I’m an entrepreneurand not an athlete, nowthat I’m really in the gameand the world. I feel bad for these athletes. You’re super competitive. That is your high. That is what gets you excited. And when you’re a rockstar,Mick Jagger’s still doing it. But when you, Kobe’s not playingwhat he was meant to do. He’s a child still. And look where he’s going,to the business world toget that fucking feeling. So I don’t know, I don’t know. – I think what you’re sayingis a really good point,though, because there’sa way that you can puta hierarchy of value in your lifeand valuable situations, right?And saying that if you’re taking a selfiethat it is of no value becauseyou should be taking the present moment,which is instead, it’s still a judgment. It’s still you puttinga hierarchy togetherinstead of just going out even furtherand bursting out of that and being like,there’s no judgment for any of this shitas long as you’re not hurting anybody. – You wanna hear asecret thought in my mindthat I’m desperatelyhopefully will happen?This is a very weirdthing I’m about to say. I’ve never shared this. There’s a very big part of meand a conversation Iconsistently have with myselfthat secretly, though I won’t force it. This is where I really knowhow to play with myself. I secretly hope I wake up one dayand don’t want to buy the Jets anymoreand don’t wanna work the way I wanna workand wanna do somethingelse completely left field. And I can’t wait to wakeup, look in the camera,and be like, I’m out, and leaveand not give a fuck what anybody says. Oh, he figured out that he couldn’t do it,so he did this. Or see, see, you can’t work like Gary V. He got burned out. Like, don’t give a fuck. If I genuinely in my soul feel it,I can’t wait to go buildfucking sandcastlesin Peru for the rest of my life. – And that’s– And that’s an empowering,you see where I’m going?- It’s so fucking empowering, man. – And that’s it. – Because we get trapped by the identitythat we formerly created. – Tom Delyew said it. He pegged it for me in apodcast, on my podcast. He flipped it on me. He goes, you know what your superpower is?I’m like, what?He’s like, you don’t judge yourself. I’m like, fuck, you’re right. And that’s what that was. This is why I’m so hoton this judgment thing. The great blessing of my lifeis that I don’t judge myself. I hold myself accountable. It doesn’t mean you go and be reckless. I’m not delusional. When I fuck up and I suck,it’s just that I just don’t over-judge it. Everyone’s tearing themselves down. The fuck are you doing that for?Everybody else is doing that for you. Stop beating yourself up. Like, what?- Yeah, it’s like we have this ideaof what we should be, whatwe’re supposed to already be. – There is no should be. – Look, whoever thefuck you are right now,whoever you are today is tomorrow’s idiot. Tomorrow you’re gonnalook back at yourselfof yesterday, last week, last yearand be like, oh, yeah, I was stilljust figuring it out. And you’re always gonna bein that fucking position. – Forever. – Forever. – And parents, if you’relistening right now,’cause you know that to be true,stop being a dick. – Yeah. – ‘Cause you know that you’re 57and you don’t have anything figured out,the fuck are youpressuring your 19 year oldto figure it out?Can we just fucking eliminate that?Honestly, maybe we can do it right here. You’ll get a lot of listens to thisif this is the true moment in societywhere we eliminate figuring it out. There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out. It doesn’t end. The fuck are you talking about?What, getting a job at an accounting firmwhen you’re 23, you’vefigured it the fuck out?Getting married at 29, you figured it out?What the fuck are we talking about here?There is no figuring it out. – It’s an endless,infinite loop of figuring. – And so if you’re a 57 year oldand forcing your 22 yearold to figure it outbecause you wanna lookgood to your friendsthat your child figuredit out, not you wantyour kid to– Ah, the secret. – Ah. – The ego gets activated again,’cause you can shit on thoseother parents whose kids– You should know better. You love your child?You should tell them tonever figure it the fuck out. Just live. And you know what?Can we take another turn?- Yeah. – Another big thing that is,’cause it’s funny where mybody just went with that,all this talk leads tome getting hot on peoplenot buying things. I feel people are unbelievably goodat trapping themselves in unhappinessbecause of things they buybased on a lot of thingswe just talked about. I don’t know, I don’t want people to buythe kind of homes and cars they’re buyingthat puts them into a placewhere they have to then take a jobor stay at a job they don’t want to. I’m really hot on this right now. I really, really, really, really wantpeople to stop buying homes,or homes they can’t afford. One of the funniest moves,’cause I’ve said it once,and I got inundated. And I did it, and Isee everybody doing it. Almost everybody on their first homebuys something that completely stretchesthe living shit out of them,like to the bare. And meanwhile, there’s usually five roomsin that thing that they don’t even use. I wish that there could be a new rule. Somebody a little bit more in the trenchesin home buying, can somebody create a rulethat, like, leave 35%. Whatever it is, go 35% downso you’re not so stretched,’cause what happens is the next day,everyone celebrates you. You have a new home, you’re all set. You’re now fucking goldenhandcuffed like a motherfucker. Nothing can happen to you financially,or you can’t make your mortgage paymentsand live the same lifestyle that you like. – And if you tried to make a switchand go to your passion, go to somethingthat you really wanted to do,build fucking sandcastlesin Peru, guess what?Well, that means that you have to get ridof your house really quick or changeall this momentum, all this debt,all this accumulation,all this depreciation. It’s actually gonna restrict your freedom. And freedom has to beone of the highest thingsthat we can put– Number one. – Number one, right?- I think purebred entrepreneurslove freedom, number one. I love freedom, number one. When people say to me, whatdoes success look like,and I get this asked a lot,I always say the samething pretty consistentlyfor a long time. Being able to wake up anddo whatever the fuck I wantwhenever I want, the end. That, to me, is number,freedom is number one,two, three, four, five, maybe,this is the first time I’veever made this connection. Maybe it’s because I wasborn in not a very free placethat subconsciously wiredsome way into me that,I mean, freedom, bro. By the way, that’s whycandor and transparencyare at my core. That’s freedom, too. – That is 100% freedom. – That’s why I film everything. – Imagine if you were tryingto hold some shit secret. Like, I just published a newsletter,and it was called FiveUncomfortable Truths. And it was the middle of the night,and I was like, you know what?There’s some shit thatpeople don’t know about me. – Boom. – And then, so I justfucking put that out,like, here we go. – So smart. – Hah, isn’t that nice?And everybody, feelfree to tell the truth. It’s okay. And if you don’t likeme because of my truth,oh, yeah, one of my truthsis that I’ve been addictedto sleeping medication for the last year. And I run a fucking humanoptimization company. – Good for you. – That’s tough, it’s toughto admit that, you know?But it’s the fucking– Tough?Do you know how many peopleyou just helped with that?Dude, that’s incredible. Dude, I’m really proud of you, bro. – Well, thanks, brother. – It takes an enormous amount of strengthto do something like that. – But it’s so liberating,that’s the thing. – It’s Eminem’s lastscene in the movie, bro. This has been figured out a long time ago. It was called Eight Mile,the movie, go watch it. It’s a rap battle. That is life itself. You’re up against it. First move, shit onyourself in perpetuity. Then nothing else is left to anybody else. You’ve now won. Because when he makes that transitionto, but there’s somethingI know about you, Clarence,that’s how I live life. When people judge me, I’m like,what’s going on in your life?The reason I don’t judge anybodyis I don’t want people to do that to me. That’s the real game. That’s the 1% game. When people spit hate, I’m like,what’s going on in your life? What are you up to?And the reason I called my brand Empathyand the reason some of my friendshave helped me through this feedback,why I realize a lot of timesit’s actually sympathy,not empathy, and I’m tryingto learn all these things. My mom has a Russian saying,and basically it translates to,everybody’s got some shitin their chicken hen. Russia was fucked up. But I believe in that. And I think the fact that you can do that,what you understand,there’s a lot of things,but one of them is,I said it earlier, everybodysucks at a lot of things. – No doubt, man. And it’s just about– Who’s thisfucking perfect person?- And it’s just about embracing that. Embrace the fact that yousuck, and enjoy the suck. – Aubrey, Aubrey, letme tell you somethingthat I think you and I represent. And we’re not all the way there yet. But I have a real interesting observation. I believe that everybody thinksthings are super fucked up,and I think this is the beginningof an incredible centuryof human behavior. I believe what we’reliving through right now,that when we look back at this video,we’re gonna be like,fuck, we were so young. Fuck, we looked good. And we’re gonna watch thisexact video in 60 years,and we’re gonna be like,fuck, this was right. I’m so positive aboutwhat I’m about to say. This level of lack of privacy,some people like you and Iare starting to understand itso well that we’re leaningin in the other direction. There’s always a reactionand a counter-reaction. I believe that everybody’sabout to figure outthat there’s nowhere tohide, which is gonna leadfor everybody being more transparent,which is gonna lead to people realizingthey can’t hide, which is gonna eliminateso much of the hypocrisy. And once everybodyunderstands that the skeletonsin their closet are actuallygonna be exposed anyway,we’re gonna start transforming into a lotof the radical, what people think,when you say your stuff, likeopen relationships, I laugh. I’m like, that’s gonnabe the norm in 100 years,’cause the shadows were what enabled. – Yeah, the ability to holdprivacy, to keep secrecy,to not get caught that allows these games– 100%. – These games to exist. – Systematic racism isgonna have a problem. – All these things. – All of these things, so I don’t know. I’m pretty thankful, and I’venever been more optimisticin the future. I mean that. I mean, this is very healthy. I really do. – I think it’s funny, too,people who are super paranoid,and they put the littletape over their computerand stuff like that ’cause they’re worriedthat somehow fucking the forces that beare gonna catch them jerking off, okay. If fucking Apple wantsto come out with a videoof me jerking off, congratulations. – That shit will go viral. That shit’s gonna go viral. – Congratulations, Apple, you win. I jerk off, like, what do you want?- That would be the bestthing that ever happenedto your brand. – Apple leaksfucking Aubrey Marcus webcamjerk off video. – You hope that happens. That’s exactly right, and that’s wherethis is all gonna go. Like I keep telling everybody,I took a lot of heat thelast three or four years. There’s a lot of contentof me out there asked,as this started bubbling up, Gary,what about privacy?I’m like, nobody gives a fuck. And the whole room would gasp. I’m like, that’s not me. That’s not my opinion. I’m telling you based on your actions. Fuck Facebook, posted on Instagram. Like, what are we doing out here?What are we doing outhere, you know what I mean?People talk. You know all your friendsthat were gonna moveto Canada when Bush got reelectedor when Obama got reelectedor the ones that are saying it nowwhen Trump gets reelected?Where are all those fuckers?None of people, I mean, Iknow thousands of peoplethat told me that, both parties. That’s why I used all the presidents. They’re not in Toronto. They’re still right the fuck here. So you know how many people tweetall sorts of things and then are livinga completely, just, let’s geta little bit more thoughtfulout here. – Yeah, yeah, and just fucking recognizethe human nature of just, everybodyalways in the process of figuring it out. – You could have had a periodafter the word nature there. – That’s it. – Humans, humans. It’s why I’m a good marketer. I understand people, right?And the reason I’mhappy is I’m so gratefulas somebody who’s really good at itthat I didn’t manipulate it for bad. I’m trying to manipulate it for good. You know what I mean?- Yeah. – And when you manipulate for good,you’re not even manipulating. You’re just exposing, and you’re allowingfor different conversations. Let me say this, because you havea very thoughtful audience. You have a good crew of peeps in here. This is real, what I’m about to say. We have to rally around this. If you’re in a goodplace, we have to startsharing more of it. Everybody’s spitting hate,and everyone’s accepting that. Then you have people thatare spitting positivity,and people are shitting on those people. Like, I get shit on. I’m watching this, this is amazing. We have to make positivity louder. But positivity has to begrounded in practicality. The reason I think my voicecan be unique at timesis because positivityoften becomes delusional. – Well, you become theone who is positive. And when you become theone who is positive,when you have those negative thoughtsbubbling up from the shadows, you betterstuff those motherfuckersaway in a drawer somewhere,because you’re the onewho’s positive all the time. Share your whole fucking journey. And if you’re mostlypositive, fucking great. And if you’re mostlynegative, don’t blame iton other people. Just say, hey, I’m in afucking tough spot, world,but I’m figuring it out. And I appreciate all of youpositive motherfuckers, too. – That’s another thing. Everybody thinks everything that we shareis the final score. When you’re sharing thatyou’re struggling at night,I view that as the other team just wenton an 11-0 run. But it’s still the second quarter. – Yeah. – And I know you called a timeout,and the whole crowd booed you. But the true fans didn’t. Go pay, this is such a good analogy. Go pay attention to this. Go watch, go to a basketball game. Watch the home team go on a terrible run,and pay attention towho boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight. And that’s what happens. When you sent that email,there were people the booed. – Sure. – And then there werereal fans that cheered. And that’s how I see it. And so, why is everything that’s happeningin your life the definitive end score?It’s a process. Some chapters are good, some,if I was, I would’ve wishedI could’ve watched my contentfrom when I was in school. Those were dark times for me. I hated school, bro. I hated the fuck out of school. The anxiety I had every fucking two monthsthat I had to be punished,’cause my mom would ground me. Back to, this is where she did it great. I think one of the reasons I’m happyis my mom made me accountablefor the ramifications,even if it wasn’t, like, I was in school. Even though she knew thatwasn’t gonna dictate my life,she punished me. And that fucked with me. Who likes being punished?Getting Nintendo taken awayfor two weeks fucking blowswhen you’re 14. – Wow, deep. – Yeah, man. – That would’ve fucked with me bad. – Dude, especially whenyou’re just gettingyour Tecmo game going, you know? I was just getting good at Tecmo Bowl. And then three weeks off the grid,and I come back, andeveryone’s fucking schooling meBo Jackson style. I’m like, fuck, mom, see?So I don’t know. I think that’s right. I think people lack perspective. One of the things thatabsolutely I’ve been sharingthat has really beenvaluable is when I meet57-year-old homies, andI keep reminding them,you do know that you’re gonna livefor another 40 years?And like, why you wrapping shit up?Oh, because your grandfather did,and that’s what you saw. – Conditioning. – Correct. News alert, it’s not19-fucking-73 anymore. – Yup. – Right?Like, I’m sitting here,I’m 43, and I’m like,fuck, man, yes, I know,and everybody loves,you could get hit by a bus. I’m like, cool, and then I won’t care. But if not, like if I’mgoing for another 55,if I’m going for another65 with modern medicine,like, late second quarter. – You’re just getting started. – I can handle an 11-0 run. – Just getting started, baby. – That’s right, but it’s real. – It is. – It’s real, and I really want that. You know how many peoplethink they’re fucked upif they don’t have shit figured out at 30?Really fucked up. – It’s too late, it’s too late. I ruined it. I went left when I should’ve gone right,and here I am, and it’s all fucked. – I should’ve took that job. My friend from MichiganState took that job,and he’s got a nice house in the suburbs. I fucked up. I thought I was gonna be a rockstar. I’m like, dude, you haven’t even started. You haven’t even started. – Yes, sir. – You know?What didn’t we get to in your paper?- We didn’t get to anything on my paper. – So let’s do rapid fire. – But I got Twitter questions and shit. – Let’s go. – All right, let’s do it. – So one thing we wannatalk about is the forcethat is the Chinese marketand how you view that. You were just talking today, I don’t know,is that public information about K-Swiss?- Yeah. – Oh, yeah, so K-Swiss just got bought upby a Chinese conglomerate,as you were mentioning. It’s a force. – China won. Let me just save everybody time. China won, and now it just plays out. I believe that. China will be the biggestempire in the world. And that fucks with Americans becauseit fucked with people in the UKwhen it was happening to them,and I’m sure the Romansweren’t pumped either,and Genghis Khan’s crew was pissed, too. Yep, and the many thingsthat we’re living through,we’re living through,clearly, the early stagesof the transition ofAmerica losing its graspas the number one alpha in the world. China’s bought up all the infrastructurearound Africa already. And Africa’s not evenhappening for another 30 years. China won. – That’s a hell of a perspective. So all right, so how do people– I think it’s gonnabe historically correct. – How do people, companies, other people,how do we leverage this opportunity?- Yeah. – How do we, what do we do?- Start figuring fucking China out. Figure out how they do business,what their culture’s about,how you can do business there,how you can do businesswith them in other places,and also figure out thatplenty of people have wonin the last 200 years thatdidn’t live in America. The richest man in theworld was from Mexicoa couple years ago, right?And what does that even mean, right?This is back to, you’regonna be quite easily happy. But there’s a sense of like, fuck,we’re not gonna be number one?Fuck. First of all, it’s back to we. You’re not America. You just happen to live in it. So yeah, but listen,I spend a lot of time,we’re opening up an office in Singapore. And that is kind of, this summer. And so I’m gonna be spendinga lot of time there. I am highly interested in doing businessand learning the cultureand foods and trends,and I think it’s exciting. – Yeah, I agree. – Like, I don’t think has– Everything’s an opportunity. – It has nothing to do with me. – This isn’t the time of war anymore. Like, when Genghis Khanwas fucking rising,that was a little scary, you know,’cause he was fucking you up, literally. – Correct. – Literally. – Correct. – China winning, it’s okay, everybody. It’s okay. It’s okay, they win the business game. Like, you’re okay. – That’s right. – They’re not gonna comefucking beat down your house. They don’t care about that. – I’ll tell you where they have a win,I’ll tell you whatAmerica’s greatest weapon isand has been, andgreatest asset, Hollywood. Hollywood is America’s greatest ammo,the culture of America isstill the culture of America. And most people listening right now,if you for some reason didn’t likethe last five minutes, here’s somethingyou can latch onto. You will probably live all the waythrough your life with brand Americaand the American culturalimpact as the core ecosystem. The hip hop artists fromthe dirty south of Atlantabecome way more global stars. But we’re already seeing achange a little bit, right?If you, like, look at America. Bad Bunny and Becky Gand K-pop stars, right?None of us grew up withK-pop, Korean pop starsmaking 14-year-old blond girlsin Chicago scream, right?So pay attention, shit’s happening. But the American brand is a fucking beast. – Yeah. – Like, a beast. – Yeah, you see thatwhen you travel abroad. – 0h, 100%. – No matter whatthey think about our politics– There’s a status, yes. – Or business or whatever else,the culture, the movies, the music. – But China’s done shit. They’re innovating on AI. They’re doing shit. They’re building fuckingtransportation hubsthrough their entire country. They’ve invested in Africaand the resources there. They’re building great companies. They’re doing shit. Because they have a form of dictatorshipand capitalism that allowsyou to get shit done. China runs its country much more similarto the way you and I runour companies than America. You don’t micromanage anythingexcept when you have somethingthat you need to get done. – Right. – That’s what I do. I don’t micromanage shit. But then if I have an agenda,then it gets done, and it gets done fast. And that’s why China’sgetting a lot of things done. – That’s really fucking interesting, man. – I know it is. – That’s a cool perspective. – Thank you. – All right, NickPernith13,how do you dealwith distancing friends thatslow down your future goals?- First, by making sure that I’m not beingan audacious dick. That’s number one, really, I mean it. All of a sudden you decidedyou’re gonna be successful,and your homies aren’tgood enough for you. Don’t be a dick, number one. Number two, by trying to over,if these are truefriends, over-communicatethe path that you’re on,and try to get them motivated and excitedto be on it with you. Number three, after you didnumber one and two heavily,’cause these are friends now,number three is justlimiting the interaction. Maybe going from hanging out every secondand every day to hangingout three times a week. Limiting things that you feelare actually detrimental to you. – Right, rather than that hard cutthat we think we have to do. – Yeah, everyone’s like, oh, my friendsmokes too much weed all day,and this fucking loser’snot going anywhere. Now I just started watching this content,and I’m fucking fired up. And I’m gonna be a fucking winner. Like, you’re out, Dominic. No, Dominic’s been yourboy for fucking 20 years. Don’t be a dick. First, I mean, but we’re all laughing’cause we actually know this is happening. – For sure. – And it’s funny, as the personthat sometimes is making the content,that’s making thathappen, I don’t want that. I want this. This is the process. First, look at yourself. Are you full of shit?Second, try to put yourpeople on with you. Let’s do this together, let’s go. Try to hype them up. Then third, if that doesn’t workand you’re actually genuinely feeling itand saying, like, you know, I’m ready. I feel like I’m gettingsucked into that negativityor passiveness and I wannago on a different path. You can go do that, but you can stillhave that relationship. – Yeah, yeah. – And I’m just gonna add onthis, ’cause it’s important,I believe it’s even more of a conversationwith your family. There’s a lot of peopleright now really strugglingwith their transition because they havea negative mother or father. And it’s a force in their lifethat is really fucking them up. And I don’t think you need to cut out dad. But maybe you don’t have to answerevery one of his calls where you knowthe call’s gonna be negative. – Yup, just limit it. Just limit it, instead of those hard cuts. That black and white, that binary thing,good for computer code,kinda shitty for life. – Yeah. – Kinda shitty for life, to have to havethat binary philosophy, right?- Yeah. – The person who’s most in control,and I know I’ve used this analogy,but most in control ofdrinking isn’t the onewho can’t be around a drink,never step into a bar,never have a taste, ’cause if they do,they’re gonna end upin a fucking back alleywith a needle in their armand seven hookers, right?If you’re that mentality,you’re not really overbeing an alcoholic. If you can have a drink and be moderate,you’re really more in control. And if you can be aroundDominic the weed smokerand have a good timeevery once in a while,you’re better off. – 100%, or if you can takethat energy to something else. Like if you can deploy thatenergy to something else,there’s also that part of the equation. But I agree with you. – Last question, @issicalbra asks,what is the legacy thatyou want to leave behind?- That I gave more than to took. It’s very clear to me. I’m very passionate about this. I wanna guilt the worldto come to my funeral. I do. It’s very ludicrous. I’m telling you right now, I thinkabout the attendance of my funeral often. I do, I think it’s the great scorecard. I think in sports. I’ve used a ton of analogies. I think everything could,the Mets were playing gamesix of the World Seriesin 1986 in their home stadium,and the scoreboard said,congratulations, Boston Red Sox,1986 champions, because they were downthree to one, I think the score was. They were down two runs,and there was two outsand nobody on in the bottom of the ninthin game six of the World Series. And Boston was up three-two. And they won that World Series. If you’re 74 years old listening right nowand you’re a fuck up throughand through, all the way,I think you can be the 86 Mets. I really believe that. I really think that’s cool. Yes, I’m optimistic. It’s also real. That’s truth. And so I think the finalscore is when you die. And I think the scoreboardis how many peopleshow up to your fucking funeral. That is my perspective on life. And so my legacy will be, will Nick Dio,who spent meaningful time with meat some point in ourlives, hopefully forever,but if he goes on to,will he feel so compelledwhen he’s in Arizonadoing whatever he’s doingwith his life, thatwhen he hears the news,will he be so compelled,Nick, how old are you?- 28. – So off-putting, 15 years. So will 86-year-old Nick Dioin Arizona, doing his thing,when he hears the newsthat 101-year-old Garyhas gone, seven-timeSuperbowl champion ownerGary Vaynerchuk has passed,will he feel compelled,will he feel it in his gutthat he has to goto that funeral, is somethingI think about a lot,because it takes a lot to do that, right?There’s a big differencebetween posting a photoon whatever the Instagramis or the hologram he makesor the fucking VR world we live in,very different then,’cause he hurt his hip,’cause he works out a lot and now he hasa degenerate hip andfucking 86 in Arizona,and flying fucking sucksor whatever the fuckwe do now, time machine shit or whateverthe fuck’s going on. Will he put in the effortto go to the funeral?I think the level of value that I needto bring Nick Dio, 86, is a lot,a lot more than peoplethink to get him to get upand get on that plane or whatever. And that’s what I’m trying to do. – Well, you’re gonna have to scatteryour ashes over that Jets stadium. – For sure. – ‘Cause there’s gonna be a lot of peoplecome to that funeral, brother. – I really hope so. And honestly, one of thethings to wrap it up,I also think that we need more peoplewith ambitions like that. People hear that sometimes, and I’ll take,like, a Raz, and you’reso full of yourself. I’m like, are you listeningto what I’m saying?I’m saying that I wanna impact peoplein a positive enough,like, we need to have,I think people need to havebigger ambitions on impact. Selflessness, you know, humility. These are things thatneed to be attractive. I think that biggestwinners I know are humble. I mean that, truly humblewhen nobody’s paying attention, you know?How do they, like, bro, Idon’t have a lot of friends,’cause I’m busy and I wanna spend timewith my family. Do you know how much I, do you understandwhy I even interact with you?It’s how you interact with somebodywhen we walk into agym to play basketball. That’s, people are gonna benice to me, especially now. I watch everybody. I’m collecting data 27/7. How are people interactingwith other people?Who are they in their fucking soul?Are you smiling at a stranger when you’re,do you know my favoritething to do in life?I did it the other day. It just really hit me,like, god, I love this. God, I love my fucking parentsand DNA and circumstance. Do you know how fun it is to walkin an airport and look at somebodyand just smile dead in their faceand get them to smile at you back?It’s nice. It’s nice, I like that shit, man. Positivity’s underrated, underrated. – No doubt, and there’s alwaysthat opportunity to do it. When I told that kid hewas riding that BMX bikeand cruising through,and he was kinda rippingthrough my lawn and stuff. – Oh, I took note. I was like, you’re the best. – When I went to that and I was like, man– My dad would’ve punchedthat kid in the face. – Yeah,like, you’re a sick BMX rider. – My dad would’ve ran downwith a stick and punched,like, I mean it. – Right. – That’s so rad that you did that. So what did you say?- No, I just gave him a complement. I was like, man, you’re apretty sick BMX rider, kid. I didn’t say kid, I said– Dude. – Dude, yeah. – And what’d he say?- And he was like, thanks, man. – Thanks, bro. – Yeah, exactly, but hewas stoked, you know?And I was actually appreciativethat he had the courageto do that shit in my yardas I was shooting hoops. I got fucking tats, I had my shirt off. I’m fucking shooting hoops out there,like, I’m obviously, and hewas just fucking ripping it. And I was like, good for you, man. – And for that kid that’slistening right now,if you also would’ve got puncheddirectly in the face, both are right. No, I mean it, it’s the point, like,to wrap up this whole conversation,that’s what’s so interesting about life. It is not binary in that way, right?Like, it would be super acceptableand understanding tomany listening right nowif somebody rolls into their yardand doing that shit with a bikeand tearing up theirshit that if the personwith tats and fucking diesel comes outand fucking creates some warfare,people understand that, too. And for that kid, that’s right, too. – Yeah. – It’s all right. It’s all fucking right. – Just a choice. – Yep. – It’s a choice. – Thank you, brother. – Thank you, bro. – I appreciate it, my man. Let’s have fun tonight. – Can’t wait. – Let’s do it. – Thanks, everybody, peace!