How Not to Let Ugly Situations Mess You Up | Sadhguru
Sadhguru: What the world throws at usis not necessarily your choice,but what you make out of it is entirely your choice. Other people are doing what they want,but it’s your reaction which causes the suffering. There is no way you can fix an yesterday,but you can create a tomorrow. Speaker: Namaskaram, Sadhguru. So I have a childhood friend,she grew up in a very uneasy family environmentbecause her parents had a very strange relationship,due to which she grew up amongstconstant fights, with lack of love. So, across the years, I’ve seen her grow upas a person who’s become very reserved. She does not believe in love,she doesn’t believe in the power of relationships. So, how can we sort of not let such toxic relationshipsimpact us so negatively in life?Sadhguru: See, everybody is findinga certain excuse for their own miseries. So my parents were like this, so I am like this. Well, this is unfixable because we can’t changeyour parents now. All right? Hello?Can we change them now?So you need to understand this,especially if you have gone through tough situations in lifeor horrible situations in life, let’s say. Is it not important that you becomewiser sooner than other people?Sooner than other people who’ve grown up in comfortwho do not know what it is to see those things. Is it not very importantthat you should become wiser?No, instead you choose that you also become miserablebecause they were miserable people. So, let us understand this much. You have an intelligenceto recognize that they are living badly. How come you don’t have an intelligenceto recognize you are living badly right now?And you don’t even havethe fundamental integrity to see,“If I’m living badly,it is me who is making this,”because there may be situations and situations. For every one of us there are situations. In fact, the more you try to do in the world,the more and more, many ugly situations you will have to facewhether you like it or you don’t like it. Okay?Now because you face ugly situations,will you also become ugly?Or you will use this as manureto blossom into a wonderful flower?This is a choice that you have. So, everything that hurts us, everything thatin some way is negative in a given situationwhether you will become wiseor you will become wounded is your choice. Do not look for ideal situationsbecause there is no such place, no such place. Wherever you go, there will be something happeningthat you think is negative. Whether it’s negative or not,I don’t want to make a judgment,but in a given place,you think there is negative. A whole lot of people who haveapplied to get into your institution like ISB,they are all thinking“If I enter ISB, it is like heaven. ”But I’m sure there are many people in your institutionwho think this is the most horrible place,full of politics, full of nonsense, full of this. Aren’t there such people? Hello?I’m sure they are there,you don’t become one of them. Because in every place there are issues, all right?Where there are two people, there is an issue. How we conduct these issues depends on,are we in a state of conscious response to these issuesor are we in some compulsive reaction to these issues,this determines how we conduct ourselves. This has become a syndrome all over the worldbecause they’ve all read a little bit of Freud, little bit of Maslow,little bit of all this European psychiatric stuffand everybody is a psychiatrist. “Because my parents were like this, I’m like this. ”Come on! Where is your intelligence?If your parents were like this, you must take a vow you will never ever be like that. Hello? Yes or no?If your parents lived so badly, if it is true,I don’t even know whether they lived badly or not. This is her perception of it, all right?We do not know how they lived,but going by her words,assuming it is true,if they lived badly,is it not your business to seenever ever you commit such mistakesas they are committing in their lives?Is this not what human intelligence capable of?Or human intelligence is like. . . You know, they study rats and make all kinds ofconclusions about human beings today. A whole lot of experimentsabout human beings are on rodents. We’re looking at the behavior of the rodents,people say, “Oh, human beings like this, like this. ”Is it not a sad storybeing the most evolved creature on this planet?I want you to understandfor you to come to this level of intelligence,it’s taken millions of years of work of evolution to get you here,to the peak of evolution on this planet. So being the peak of evolution, are we displayingthat we are at the top of the world? Are we?No, we want to sit on somebody else’s headand think top of the world. No, we are already top of the worldas human beings, isn’t it so?But look at the way we’re behaving,all the time complaining about something or the other. Let us understand this – what the worldthrows at us is not necessarily your choice,but what you make out of it,is entirely your choice. Yes?What you make out of it is entirely your choice. Your experience of life. . . This much you must come toevery one of you young people – if you want. . . if you want your potential to open up in the world,one important thing that you must fixin your life is your experience of life –either peacefulness or agitation, either joy or misery,blissfulness or you know, suffering –whatever it is your experience,your experience is entirely made by you. Other people are doing what they want,their drama they’re conducting. It is your reaction to thatwhich is causing these experiences to you. Right now, if I abuse you. . . I won’t, I’m just telling you, Mridu. Suppose I abuse you,the abuse is in my mouth. It is not a bullet,it doesn’t come and hit you. But it’s your reactionwhich causes the suffering, isn’t it?Suppose I abuse you nicelyin Tamil language or Telugu or Kannada –this guy will understand,that’s a problem but –if I abuse you in a languagethat you don’t understand with a smile on my face,you will think I’m sayingsweet things to you, isn’t it?And you will respond nicely to me. So, I’m telling you,your experience of what is happening with youright now is 100% determined by you. Human experience happens from within,not from outside. Outside influences are there. How far we allow them to affect us,unless they are physical situations –you’re in a war zone, somebody’s shooting at you,that’s a different matter. All right?That needs to be dealt with in a different way. Even there, a conscious response will give youa better chance of survival than wild reactions. So, the privilege of being human being is this,that we have an intelligence to determinewhat should be our experience of life. Other creatures are in a natural, instinctive,compulsive reaction. We are supposed to be above that. But most human beings are trying to disprove thisand they are also in a compulsive state of reaction. And above all, parents. . . Well, they’re living the way they know best, isn’t it?If they knew any better, they would havedone better. They’re doing their best. Well, they gave birth to you,which is a phenomenal thing. Maybe not willingly,but they gave birth to you one way or the other. And they gave you enough foodand education and nonsense,whatever you neededand brought you up to this level. Now don’t keep on looking at the rear view mirror forever. They brought you up, you’ve grown upinto an adult, you survived. All right?Many children die early on,parents not being able to provide. A whole lot of… millions of children die in the worldbecause parents are not able to providefor the children that they give birth to. They’ve brought you up, you’ve grown up,you’re in the rear view mirror. Please leave the rear view mirrorand look ahead because you can’t fix your past. There is no way you can fix an yesterday,but you can create a tomorrow. Let’s make that happen.